Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
