I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
