Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
