What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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