eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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