How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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