Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
