john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
