So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
