I'm so fucking centered right now
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
