i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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