Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
