watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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