Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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