nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
