Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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