Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
