She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
