Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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