i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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