Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
