Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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