just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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