if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize