You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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