Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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