So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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