I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
