i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
