I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize