My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
