why didn't you poke me back
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
