If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
