My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
