WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
