You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
