It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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