Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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