One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize