i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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