he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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