I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
