so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
