i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
