You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
