I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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