What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize