i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
