While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
