All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
