I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wear drunk well.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
