Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
