please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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