remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
