i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
