yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
