I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
