I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
is that a dick in a sweater?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
