Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That's intense
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
