she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The convent might be a nice break from real life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
