i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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