once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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