Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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