The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
