i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
