dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
North Korea, Best Korea!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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