bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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