It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
