You made me cry and you don't even care
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
