Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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