he puts the penis in happiness.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
