i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
