So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
then he tried to convert me to islam
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
